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Mama Bird/Transcript
Green's house, backyard (We begin with a shot of a cracked plant pot with the title of the episode inscribed on it's face. The front door is then opened, which sends the pot flying down to the ground, where it breaks) Cricket, Tilly: Hole! (Our focus moves on to Cricket (with a kerchief as a scarf, a carton box on his head and a shovel) and Tilly (also with a kerchief scarf and a shovel, but with a tiara on her head instead of a carton box and goggles too) walking out of the door and into the garden, excited and with full intent to dig up some holes.) Cricket, Tilly: Hole! Hole! Hole! We're gonna dig a big old hole! Cricket: I'll dig a hole that'll fit my head! Tilly: And I'll become queen of the mole people! (Camera cuts to next to the barn. Bill is chopping wood. He places a block) Cricket and Tilly (OS): Hole! Hole! Hole! Hole! (Close up on Bill as he lifts his axe, which has a shiny glint, and prepares to swing) Cricket (OS): We'll dig a hole that'll make us... (Bill starts swinging and we cut to Cricket, in a close up, dramatically sliding, posing, and singing his heart out, hand reaching to the sky. He knocks the wood block out of the way ) Cricket: Whole!!! (Bill sees Cricket and is shocked) Bill: Woah! (He tries to divert the swing and ends up swinging it outside into the street, which starts a car alarm. He then bends down a bit to catch his breath, taken aback by the horrifying accident he nearly caused. Cricket just stays as he was, surprised, and Tilly walks in normally, as if nothing has happened) Man Whose Car Was Hit by the Axe (OS): Oh, great! An axe in my car! If it ain't one thing, it's another! Bill: (Furious) Cricket! (Camera focuses on Tilly, who's just watching Bill yell at Cricket) Bill: (Continued, furious) What is wrong with you, boy?! (Tilly rubs her face with a finger) Cricket (OS): I got holes on the brain, Dad! (The two get inaudible, as Tilly suddenly hears something fall on the ground. She lifts her goggles and looks) Tilly: H'mm? (A soft, instrumental piece starts playing as we see a bird nest that has fallen to the ground. One of it's eggs rolls onto the ground. We see Tilly react to this with shock, and she drops her shovel.) Tilly: (gasps; runs for the nest) Oh, no! (Bill and Cricket, hearing Tilly, stop their argument and look back at her) Bill: (Confused) Huh? (Tilly rushes over, worried, and leaning down, puts the egg back in its nest carefully) Tilly: Look, Papa! This nest fell out of the tree! And there's eggs in it! Bill: Oh...careful, Tilly. When baby birds hatch, they think the first creature they see is their mama. (This suddenly hits Tilly.) Tilly: Whaaaaaat...? So...if I'' was the first thing they saw, they would think ''I was their mama? Bill: Exactly. Which is crazy, so...just leave it be. Their mama could come back any minute now to check on her babies, and those little chicks'll need their real mother, not you, sweetie. Tilly: (looks at the nest) Okay, Papa. Cricket: Yeah, c'mon, Tilly! We got holes to dig! Bill: (sternly) Don't think I forgot about you, mister. (The moment Cricket and Bill are out of sight, Tilly turns back to the nest and holds it.) Tilly: Don't worry, little babies. I won't abandon you. I'll be such a good mama, you'll say: "Tiwwy, tell we we wuv you so much!" and I'll say, "Sorry, I don't understand bird, but I understand love." (kisses an egg) Backyard, later that day (Cricket comes upon Tilly, who's still holding the nest and staring at the eggs.) Cricket: Well, Dad says no more shovels, at least until I learn to "act responsibly around dangerous objects." (blows a raspberry; sees Tilly) Hey, didn't Dad say to leave that nest alone? Tilly: Yes. But love does not abide by the rules. Just imagine what it would be like, to have a bunch of cute baby birds lovin' you! Cricket: Meh. Doesn't do much for me. Actually, it sounds like a lot of work. Tilly: Hush your mouth! (The eggs in the nest start to crack.) Tilly: It's happenin'!! (chuckles) (The siblings stare in awe as the eggs crack more until they finally break open to reveal three little blue birds. But instead of seeing Tilly, they look in the direction of Cricket, to his surprise and her shock.) Cricket: Huh? (The birds start chirping excitedly upon first glance; they have imprinted on him.) Tilly: (completely dumbstruck) Huh? Cricket: Oh! Uh...h-hey, little guys. Welcome to the world. (They respond by chirping in excitement with big eyes.) Tilly: No...uh...c'mon! Your mama's over here! (She turns the nest so the birds face him, but they turn right back to Cricket and chirp more.) Cricket: Hey look, Tilly! (moving back and forth as the birds follow) These little guys love me! They're followin' my every move! Tilly: No! Uh...no! I'm your mama! Not Cricket! Cricket: Fine with me. I'll just be their fun uncle. A "funcle". (making funny faces) Blehhhh! Blewwww! (The birds like this; Tilly angrily pulls the nest away.) Tilly: Knock it off, Cricket! (to the birds) You're supposed to love me! And they will love me...even if I gotta make 'em love me. (She takes the nest away just before Cricket makes the next face.) Cricket: Blurrrrf! Tilly: Come on, birdies. If you think Cricket is fun, wait until you hang out with Mama. (gasps) Hey, I'll teach you a song. It goes a little something like this... (inhales deeply) House, various (Montage set to Tilly's song: on the porch, Tilly gives the birds a bath in Phoenix's dog bowl while dressed like Cinderella in rags; they suddenly leave her in favor of Cricket, and splash in the mud with him.) Tilly (VO): ♫ Hello, little babies, my pretty little birds ♫ ♫ Are you ready to give Mama those three magic words? ♫ ♫ A little bit of love is all I need now ♫ ♫ Please, please, just give your love to me ♫ (She carries them through the living room; they see Cricket out the window playing in a tire, and two of them instantly chirp at him while Tilly pulls the third away, but it barfs all over her arm and ignores her as well.) ♫ Why do you think I do this, work myself into a sweat? ♫ ♫ What part of "give me love" do you not get? ♫ ♫ I'm your one and only mama, you know it's true ♫ (In the kids' bedroom, she dresses them in wool socks and prepares to take their picture, but Cricket falls down behind him and strips his overalls, and the birds follow him out.) ♫ I'm also the only thing making sure you don't die of neglect, hypothermia, scurvy disorientation, the governor and all other manner of horrible afflictions ♫ ♫ So, if you ask me, I'd say a little love is due ♫ (Back in the living room, the birds are ignoring Tilly all together and smothering Cricket.) Cricket: (laughs) Oh, stop it! You're drownin' me in love! Tilly: I clean up their mess, mush up their worms, teach them songs...but do they love me? NO! They love Cricket! (gets an idea) Maybe...I can't compete with Cricket. (chuckles) At least not in my current state... Backyard Bill: (comes out; singy-songy) Tilly! I haven't seen you all afternoon! It's supper time! (sees something in the tree) Huh? Tilly, is that you? Tilly: I'm sorry, Papa, but I can't understand you! I only speak bird now! She comes out of the shadows, revealing a makeshift bird costume using socks as her wings, a boa for the neck, and a party hat around her mouth like a beak.) Bill: Uh... (shaking head) Tilly, I thought we talked about this: you were supposed to leave those birds -- Tilly: Suppertime! (She gets out a handful of worms and puts them in her mouth, as Bill watches in disgust. She chews the worms willingly and sticks her tongue out, revealing a big lump.) Tilly: (muffled) Come on! Eat up! (The birds refuse.) Bill: Well... (chuckles) I don't wanna get in the way of...whatever this is. (quietly backs away) Tilly: (spits out worms) All right, everybody. Time for bed. Goodnight, Michelle. (kisses her) Goodnight, Julie. (kisses her) Goodnight, Barnaby. (kisses him) I won't be sleepin', though. Instead, I'll be singing you my song, (sternly) and when you sing it back to me, then I'll know you love me. Ready? ♫ Do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do ♫ (Smash cuts to her weary the next day due to a lack of sleep.) ♫ Do-do-do-do...do-do-do-do... ♫ (Barnaby, he bird in her hands starts chirping; she stirs.) Tilly: Huh? Holy Montana moles! Did my hard work finally pay off? Do you finally love me, little bird? Come here and give Mama a -- (Barnaby hops away) Huh? (Shows Cricket coming from down below.) Cricket: Gooood morrrrrniiiiiinggggg! (yawns; catches Barnaby) Aww, g'mornin', Jimmy! I call this one Jimmy. I call 'em all Jimmy! Tilly: But his name is Barnaby! (Michelle and Julie hop down) Huh? (gets hit in the face with the nest) Grr... Cricket: Ha-ha! I'm a chick magnet! Get it? (Tilly increasingly grows more irked.) Cricket (OS): Takin' care of baby birds sure is fun, huh, Tilly? Tilly: Grr...THAT'S IT! (ripping off her costume) I've got everything a good mama does, and more! I've smothered them with love, and I've got worm guts stuck in my teeth!! (comes down the tree) What is the point...of givin' love...IF YA DON'T GET ANY BACK!? (throws her hat-beak on the ground and stomps on it) Cricket: (has two of the birds plugging his ears) Sorry, what'd ya say, Tilly? I couldn't hear ya over all these love chirps! (takes them out) Tilly: GOODBYE, UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN! Cricket: What? Y-ya can't just leave! You said you'd take care of 'em! Tilly: I don't care what I said! This is what I'm doin' now! Leavin'! (does just that) Cricket: But I can't take care of 'em! I-I-I'm just the funcle! THE FUNCLE!! Big Coffee, exterior (Tilly is sitting sadly at a table; Gloria gives her a single cup.) Gloria: Here's your order. An empty cup. And...a fistful of creamers. (She hands her several creamers.) Tilly: Your service will not be forgotten. (She begins emptying the creamers into the cup one by one.) Gloria: So...where's your brother? Tilly: Oh, he's home with the little ones. They're no longer my concern! Gloria: (confused) "Little" ones? O...okay. Well, um...if there's nothing else, then -- Tilly: You're nothing else for me! (pounds the table) I gave 'em my time, my mind, and my SPIRIT! (There is so much cream in the cup it is overflowing.) Gloria: Uh... (She glugs down all the cream.) Tilly: Have you ever loved, Gloria!? Gloria: I think you've had enough. Tilly: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Gloria: (backing away) It is always something with your family... Green's house, front yard (Cricket is trying to feed a bird a gummy worm.) Cricket: C'mon, birds! Eat your gummy worms, come on! (at another bird, bouncing on an axe) Hey! You! Stop playin' with dangerous objects! Don't you know how you could get hurt?! (gasps) Oh, no. Listen to me. I-I'm turnin' into my father! NOOO!! Living room (Bill is reading when he hears Cricket.) Bill: Hmm? I'm suddenly overcome with a feelin' of...pride. Front yard/Big Coffee (One of the birds barfs in Cricket's hair; Cricket has had enough.) Cricket: I can't take this. I gotta get ridda these birds. But how...? (looks at pigeons flying away on the roof) That's it! (Cricket is on the roof with the birds; a mattress is before them on the ground.) Cricket: All right, little guys! Funcle Cricket needs his space, which means it's time for you to learn to fly. Put a mattress down there as a safety precaution, but I really need you guys to nail this on the first try. Now...FLY! (lets them go; they fly) FLY FAR AWAY! (wiping a tear) I'm...free. (The birds suddenly drop down.) Cricket: HOBGOBLINS! (They bounce off the mattress and land in a trash can.) Cricket: Ooh, whoops. Uh...don't worry, guys! (starts to climb down) Funcle Cricket's comin' -- (stumbles) Whoa!! Umph. (He falls slightly and gets the back of his overalls caught on a nail on the corner of the rooftop.) Cricket: Aww, dang it! Hold on! My dang overalls are stuck! Hang on, little birds! (The trash can is taken by a sanitation worker and thrown in the back of a garbage truck, with the birds still in it.) Cricket: Huh? Hey! W-wait!! (Tilly is still sulking.) Cricket: T-Tilly, help!! I need your help!!! Tilly: (ignoring) I needn't concern myself, they have chosen not to want me. Cricket: THE BABY BIRDS ARE IN THE TRASH! Tilly: Huh? (The garbage truck drives away; she is stunned.) Cricket (OS): TILLY, DO SOMETHING! Tilly: My babies are in trouble! (She wipes the cream off her mouth and steals a helmet and skateboard from someone.) Skater: Huh? Agh, my skateboard! (Tilly throws creamers in his face) Oof. Ah! A fillip believer in the futile bartering system! Streets, various (Tilly rides after the garbage truck on the skateboard. Ahead of her, the light turns from green to yellow.) Worker 1: (gasps) A yellow light! Mom always said, yellow means FLOOR IT! (The truck speeds up.) Tilly: Ugh!! (It goes right through the red light and traffic starts pouring through the intersection.) Worker 2: Hey, whoa! Careful with the truck, man! Worker 1: My mama didn't raise no turtle. Worker 2: She's my mom too, Jordan. (Tilly keeps skating down the street until she slams into the table of a customer at the Big City Cafe, sending his bagel flying.) Man at cafe: Oh man, my bagel! (She stops; ahead is an intersection.) Tilly: Uh-oh! Which way?! (She closes her eyes and concentrates, feeling a telepathic link from the birds.) Tilly: That way! (She takes the right road. Up ahead, the truck has stopped, and one of the workers adds in more trash as Tilly arrives behind them.) Worker 2: We're full! Start the compactor! Tilly: (gasps) The truck! (The back of the truck begins to close.) Tilly: Oh, no!! (She throws off the helmet and jumps inside; she uses a pole to hold the trunk door open as she traverses the trash.) Tilly: Birdies? Baby birdies? (hears chirping; gasps as she finds...) Michelle! (grabs her) You're safe, now. (hears more chirping; sees...) Julie! (climbs up to her and grabs her) C'mere, you! (The bar cannot hold itself any longer; it loses grip, and the door continues to close as the ceiling begins to come down and squish all the trash.) Tilly: Barnaby? Barnaby?! (gasps) Where could he be?! ♫ Oh, my little baby, my pretty little bird ♫ ♫ Are you ready to come to Mama -- ♫ (Tweeting is heard in the same tune as her song; she gasps, and Barnaby comes out.) Tilly: Barnaby! (crawls over and grabs him) Gotcha! (She gasps as all the trash gathers around her; she manages to quickly jump out of the truck before the door closes completely.) Tilly: Ugh...oh-oh-oh-oh! (She happily cradles the birds, safe and sound.) Green's house, front yard (Now it's sunset; Cricket struggles until he finally frees himself.) Cricket: Got it! (falls) WHOA!! (hits the ground) Oof. (stands) Don't worry, Tilly! I'm comin'! (Just before he could leave, Tilly steps before him, birds in arms.) Cricket: Oh. Tilly? Ya okay? Tilly: You wouldn't believe it, Cricket! They learned my song! I just started singin' and...Barnaby came right to it! (After a pause, the birds look back at Cricket and chirp; they immediately gather round him.) Cricket: Oh. Heh...sorry about that. Tilly: That's okay. I love 'em, but...I'm not the one that should be takin' care of 'em. Cricket: (panicking) Oh...no, no, no, Tilly. Tilly: And neither are you. Cricket: Phew! Backyard (They exit out the back yard, returning to the tree where the birds were found; Tilly carries them in their nest.) Tilly: Well, it's been fun, little guys. But Papa was right, I shouldn't have moved your nest. (puts the nest at the tree base) You need your real mama. (baby voice) "We understand, Tiwwy! This is for the best!" (normal) Goodbye. (As she and Cricket start to leave, a tweet catches them off-guard; Tilly gasps. Here comes a blue jay - the birds' real mother - and she lands right at the nest.) Tilly: Look, Cricket! It worked! Their mama came back. That sure is nice. Can't wait 'til our mom comes back. Cricket: Yeah, me too. (They head back inside.) Cricket: Ha...Dad said you ate worms, that's so gross! But what did they taste like? Tilly: Kinda like a caterpillar. Category:Episode Transcript Category:M Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:A-Z